it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
