that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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