i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
