After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
