So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
