Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
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