none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
