I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
