Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
