sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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