I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
