The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
That's how pantless uber rides happen
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
