The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
3 2 1 whiskey
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
