I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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