So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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