It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
