you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
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