and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Randomize
