I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
