Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
