Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
honey bunches of taint.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
