I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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