is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
