I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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