So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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