Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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