He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
