Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
