I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
