Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
