Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
