my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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