end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
