party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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