hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
