just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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