He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
