She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
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HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
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Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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