god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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