I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
