You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
