I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
