Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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