Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
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