you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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