Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
