i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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