I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
