That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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