HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
