Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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