I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
