he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
