A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize