I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
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