operation harelip BJ is a go
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
