I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Randomize
