I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
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So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
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It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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