So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Buhtt sex?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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