she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
