I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
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