You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
