So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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