He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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