so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
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just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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