and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
